Just Fuck Me
Don’t be afraid to hurt me.
I know you worry. Please don’t. I’m not as fragile as you think.
Don’t tug my hair. Grab it. Force me to my knees with your hands in my hair wrapped in a fist. Pull hard. Make my eyes water.
Don’t graze your teeth along my skin. Devour me. Bite down until I cry out. Then do it again.
Don’t caress my throat. I want to feel your fingers wrap tightly around it. Feel my pulse hammer into your palm. Feel the breath short in my chest and that little bit of panic set in.
Don’t nudge my knees apart. Move them like they’re yours to spread. With intention. With possession.
Don’t hold my hands. I want to feel your strong grip around my wrists. Use all your weight. Make me lie still.
I want it to still hurt tomorrow.
I want to see the bruises. The welts. The handprints.
Don’t ask me if I’m ok.
I need to let go and not think.
I need you to make me yours.
Let my body answer for me with each shudder and moan. With the pool of wetness between my thighs.
These are the things I can’t control. I don’t want to control. That’s the point.
Just fuck me."
Oh I like her
My best friend asked me on the weekend what happened between me and my ex. When I started dating again I promised myself never to ever mention my ex and for the most part I’ve been successful.
Maybe too successful. Not talking or thinking about anything to do with them for almost 5 months after 6 months of post breakup depression was not dealing with any of my issues. Emotions literally swept under a rug and replaced with distractions.
It was good to talk about it again. Start processing and continuing to heal. It’s hard changing thinking about someone in a “forever, rest of my life” sense to “maybe one day we’ll be friends”. I didn’t expect however to cry so much or to feel so fragile and needy since.
I guess it’s to be expected and I’m glad I can acknowledge it as what it is so I don’t project any of that negativity onto anyone else when everyone else has just as much of their own shit going on too.
I’ve alot of love to give and sometimes its hard having to reign it in and learn to be alone, single and self dependant in an whole new way I’ve never ever really been good at. Alone but not lonley is my happy goal.
I will be a whole person again to fully love someone special if and when that person might love me too.
I wish you were here to cuddle me and warm my cold feet up…